Fair or double standard? Issue w/ parents and money and jobs?

I've always been ambitious. I worked min wage jobs from age 14 up. Kids at school scoffed at me for working at McDonalds %26amp; thought I was geeky for working there, but I grinned %26amp; beared it. I worked so I could buy a car, b/c my parents weren't going to spoil me w/ one. When I got to college, I was a premed double major. I took a rigorous summer courseload in an effort to finish college early, b/c I was struggling to pay tuition.





That summer, I was stuck working a $7/hr ice cream job b/c I'd failed to find a better job despite trying hard(life's tough). This job consistently interfered w/ my availability %26amp; my courses. I told my parents this %26amp; my mom got mad. She said "Don't quit! Why do you think you shouldn't work a job? Stop being lazy!" even tho I'd always worked hard at jobs %26amp; school in the past. So I stayed w/ it, %26amp; it got to the point that the $7/hr job interfered w/ my courses to the point that I had to DROP a class %26amp; retake it later. The tuition was...

Fair or double standard? Issue w/ parents and money and jobs?
Some parents feel the boys have to be men, but the girls will marry and be taken care of. It could be that or just that she whinned more than you! Either way, no it isn't fair. Nobody saild life would be fair though!
Reply:Your situation is definitely unfortunate, but you seem to have a lot of anger towards your parents. Which is reasonable. I just wish you the best of luck with your career choice.
Reply:I sooo know what you are going through!!! And all I can advise you with is stick with your plan...don't be so ambitious, though, that you neglect your own healthfulness--mind %26amp; body--you will need to be in top form to get through internship, and that won't even be enough. Every year you gain more experience to afford you the confidence %26amp; awareness to land better jobs, however...the job is to flex around school, not the other way around...most employers around universities understand this very well...maintain your priorities. Also, you may want to ease up on the course-load...the tuition will not be as much at one time.%26amp; you can give more concentration to fewer subjects (quality, not quantity)..and pleeease, take your summer's off of school...you'll find it much easier to work %26amp; save for the following semester's tuition, %26amp; keep in mind that the field you are endeavoring into will sap every ounce of you %26amp; your time for many years to come...make some fun time while you can...and adding an extra year/year %26amp; a half will make a big difference to you later all the way around.





And when all is said %26amp; done, and you find yourself in a great workforce, making the big bucks...just remember who got you there...YOU!!! And recall who supported your efforts with the laughter %26amp; hugs %26amp; coffee-crams...YOU, and probably your closest few friends!!! And if you have kids of your own someday...be a more wonderful parent person than you were given example of...Best you can be, Hon...Good Journey!!!
Reply:well its always hard its never fair what do u expect. i don't know what's fair. but i do know that u are strong nd u can do whatever u set u mind to
Reply:No, it is not fair. But in the end, you know, you've got the better deal. Because you already know you have to work for what you want, and you DO!





Your sister is given what she wants because she makes a fuss, so your parents give in. My mother did that with my brother (10 years younger than me), and in the end, my strict upbringing benefited me far more than my mother's indulgence of my brother has benefited him.





I don't know why my parents brought us up so differently, but I'm glad they treated me as they did. It taught me self-discipline, which is what you've shown in taking all those low-paying jobs to help keep your head above water financially. My brother was given loans and handouts by my mother long after he was married and earning a regular salary. He only needed them because he hadn't the ability or self-discipline to budget and live within his income.





My mother hated him asking, she resented him continually needing financial help, but she ALWAYS gave it to him, even when he was an adult. She and my father died years ago, and I now realise that much of her foolish indulgence of my brother was due to her innate preference for boys rather than girls. I think she also saw it as a way of ensuring that she would never "lose" him when he grew up. She knew (whether consciously or not) that he'd keep coming back whenever he needed anything she could supply. And he did! and she was torn between wanting to keep him on that string, and disliking and disapproving of his lack of good management.





My brother still hasn't any notion of disciplining himself over money matters. He's always short of cash, and his debts mount every year. He has a job now that pays very well, and he should have no difficulty raising his family and supporting his wife within the salary he gets. But he always overspends, and often on things that are both expensive and completely unnecessary.





I was taught by my parents that if you wanted something you couldn't afford, either you saved up until you could afford it, or you went without it. I'm grateful for that principle being instilled in me from the start, and I've always observed it. I can't BEAR to owe money.





The result is that I can pay my bills, and my brother often doesn't know how he'll manage to pay his. I love him dearly, and we are very good friends. We talk all the time, and I enjoy his company. But I would NEVER lend him money. He knows this, and he has never even suggested it.





I hope all this doesn't seem totally irrelevant to you. The point I'm trying to get over is that hard though it obviously is for you to be so unkindly treated and unappreciated by your parents, in the end, you will be the one who has the successful career and I hope too an enjoyable and happy life. Your sister, who seems at the moment to get everything handed to her on a plate, will be the one who needs help and support all her life, and my guess is that whenever the going gets tough (like the McDonald's job she gave up), she'll opt out and expect someone else to provide what she wants.





I think it will be interesting to see how long that job lasts at the animal clinic, and whether she really has the determination to pursue a veterinary training, which is long and very demanding both in academic and practical terms.





I do wish you the very best. And I hope that this painful experience won't cause you to hate your sister, but rather to understand that she has a difficult lesson to learn in life, and that it may take her a long time to learn it. It's not her fault that your parents are so thoughtlessly indulgent of her. I hope, too, that if or when, sometime in the future, your sister lands on your doorstep asking for help, you'll take her in and explain exactly what you can and cannot do for her - as kindly as possible!





wimsey
Reply:It does seem like your sister is getting treated differently. She has 2 horses and doesn't have to put a dime towards their board and expenses? My parents would never have done that, even though I begged them to get me a horse - it could have lived on our property.





My parents would have told me to quit the job if I had trouble in school. After all, you only have once chance to take a course - if you get a C or a not good grade, it can drag down your GPA. Which of course can affect getting into grad school. Medical schools are competitive, I can't believe your folks wouldn't want you to do whatever it took to get the grades you need to get accepted.





Unfortuantely, sometimes the first child gets the brunt of the parents' trial and error method as they figure things out. often the younger kids have it easier - if it's the last child they have then they tend to spoil it. Sometimes they don't have the energy to argue with the other kids and let them get away with more.





Sucks, but in families with more than one child, they rarely get treated equally.





Would it make things worse if you showed some of these answers to your parents?
Reply:I don't think your parents are fair, however, many families are worse then they are, not that that makes a difference to you.


What you should do is change your life around and make your parents not as important in your life. It is hard, but, you need to do what is best for you. They will continue to be too hard on you and that could in time, bring you down if your grades start to fail.


Not all of us have good family structures and you are one of those that don't and might not ever. You have more to overcome then the average student, so be aware that you should have a support group outisde of your family and take it from there. If you need to speak to a professional, then do so, it can only help you in your quest to succeed. I wish you the best.
Reply:Your sister is the spoiled one!Jeesh.You worked hard all your life practically.Be proud!Your not lazy.Your sister is.Yea,the job wasn't worth losing the tuition over.I agree.Life is tough,unfair.Your mom had no right to grill you the way I see it.Your trying.Double standard or just plain bs.


I can feel some of your agravation.I had similar child hood.I was always the 'one' no matter what anyone did.I left.You'll at least have a good work ethic and intelligence to fall back on.


Sorry to hear your grief.Hope this was encouraging.
Reply:No, it isn't fair. This is going to be a hard answer but give it some thought:





Since you are willing to work hard for what you want, continue to do so. Ask as little of your parents as you can and ignore what is going on with your sister. I know it is hard but you will win in the end.





Most of the people I know who are successful had disappointing things in their lives that still hurts them in varying degrees today. They concentrated on what they had to do to secure their future now everyone looks up to them.





Don't let these circumstances keep you from your goal. Fighting with your parents over what they do for your sister is a useless excercise. Here's wishing you the very best of luck.





P.S. I apologize for thinking you were a guy! So let me say you are one heck of a woman and I have edited my answer to reflect this.





From the additional information you posted, I have even more concern for your situation. How can a parent let a daughter be homeless? Why don't you look for some paid intern positions that will pay you more money and take a live-in job. Please start thinking of other ways you can help yourself so your life will be more stable.
Reply:I'm so sorry about your parents attitude. You should have quit your job and focused on school. You are most definitely not lazy. You were taking a very difficult course load. I worked like you did. I regret it. It has not helped me and I never took it seriously. School is much more important. These low paying jobs are unstable and don't pay the bills. It's a pity that your parents fail to see the bigger picture.
Reply:You should put the educational part first. Work the hours you can afford to work. School has to come first. Address that with your parents. If they can't understand, tell them, I am sorry you don't understand, but I will do the best thing for my future.





It sounds like they are not supporting you, so why do they have a say anyway?